I still use whisperfish for encrypted sms, that's about all. Does cyanide still work for tox? Outside of that, are there any Alien Dalvik options that'd suit you? Sailfish has at least some measure of expected privacy, since - unlike Apple, Microsoft and Google - they aren't subject to NSA/CIA disclosure requirements.

Edit: moreover, what's pathetic about a real Linux in your pocket that doesn't have attack vectors purposely left open? Especially one that's officially supported on a nice device, with obvious work going into it? It isn't mainstream, and issues are constantly being ironed out. If you don't like it, don't use it, but don't call the work and result pathetic as it only serves to make you look bitter and ill-informed. Use Android if it suits you, but don't expect any real privacy or security, even with your i2p and tox implementations.